I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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