dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
