when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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