At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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