Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
