hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
