I puked a lego.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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