Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
this boner is exhausting
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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