Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
A bitchslap is in order.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
