She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
