you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
