if you like me you must not know who I am
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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