I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
