I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
