Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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