I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
