she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
