Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
This baby is an asshole
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
