ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
