You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
