So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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