it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
