You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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