come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
organizing the empties. That sober.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
