Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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