a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
