Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
