Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
