wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
