and you said cock pushups were impossible
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
