Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
