i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
