i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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