i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
