my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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