he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
This baby is an asshole
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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