i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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