Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
