Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
