Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
