with your own penis?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
