I looked at my own cervix.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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