End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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