on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
