i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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