Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
