I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
