My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
