a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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