the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
