You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
