dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize