I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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