I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
