I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize