You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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