Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
