there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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