I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
