i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
