i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
