He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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