Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize