went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
