I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
