Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize