I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I wear drunk well.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
