I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
