Grow some girl-balls and come out already
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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