Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
