If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
