I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
