Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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