I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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