Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
